September 5th 2022
Hi Everyone and Happy Monday!
Firstly, I wanted to thank everyone for all the encouragement, love, and such nice words on my new and improved blog. It was so daunting to hit publish on the site and the first blog post back, but the kindness I received reminded me why I love the reading community so much!
I am also very excited to be jumping back into writing and documenting the progress, the fears, and the wins.
If you’re new and don’t really know what the ‘writing’ section of my blog is or if you’ve always been here and haven’t seen one of these posts for over a year or so… well let me explain…
For as long as I can remember, I had such a deep love for books and with it hand-in-hand came writing. I have wanted to become an author for just as long. I didn’t take the first step or even think it was an actual possibility until one day, about ten years ago or so, I had an idea for a book.
I tried to write it several times but either never completed it or was too scared to revise it if I happened to complete it. Overall, I think I wrote about 4 first drafts of this book, possibly more. I just couldn’t get passed the first draft. It always felt off, or not right, or even uneditable.. and before all you lovely people tell me that the first draft is meant to be pure garbage and the editing is the part it all gets cleaned up.
I know. I believe you.
But for me, I felt it went beyond just terrible word choice or order sequence… it was the heart of the story. With each draft, I got closer, but still it was like I could not get to it. It was not the story I felt like I knew, like I wanted to tell.
If you go back and read some of my other journal entry type posts, you’ll see I did make progress and I learned so much.
But still, it was difficult to go back and revise something I wasn’t entirely happy with. While I was proud of the accomplishment of finishing a first draft, I was still struggling with finding the heart and voice of the story. It honestly felt like imposter syndrome. It also felt like I somehow failed myself and the story because the pure joy of it was not there and I somehow let my characters and this world down.
Crazy, I know, but that’s the mind of a writer, I guess? Or an imposter at times.
This all became very discouraging, very quickly. It was hard to see the upcoming authors talk about their book and the ease that seemed to come with writing. Or tweets about how the word counts were spiralling out of them in a frenzy and they were happy with every word that was written. This was part of the reason why I left Twitter, if I’m being honest.
It became quite toxic.
And that first draft of this same story sat quietly in my laptop waiting for me to one day come and revisit it.
I did take a peak every now and then, but still could not have the courage to go back into it and do anything.
Until more recently…
The last few months have changed a lot for me, in a good way, and while some things still need work, I couldn’t stop myself from trying to finish this story.
Whether it is just this first book or the series, I will finish this book.
Whether it gets published or just shared with my closest friends and family, I will finish this book.
I had to realize that everyone’s writing journey was different, but more so it was theirs. However you get to the finish line, however many drafts you have to write to get to the heart of your story, do it!
With that all said… the inspiration I once had is back in full force and I am so ready to tackle all that is coming my way in terms of writing!
I’ve decided I will be taking it at my own pace this time around, not thinking about word count, not thinking about chapter length, or what someone else may think, or even how behind I am compared to all the other authors out there.
I will just write. I will do the thing I love and do it for me.
On August 31st, about a full two years after completing the first draft, I opened that draft up and read it in it’s entirety and realized that it wasn’t as bad as I let myself believe it was.
Buuut… it needs some major rewrites.
So, I am getting to work and doing it for me and no one else.
One of the first things I like to do when writing anything really is get inspired and get the creative juices flowing. I know I won’t always be inspired or ready to write every single day. And that’s ok, but in order to be prepared for those, I like to create Pinterest boards to browse through or a playlist to listen to so I am in the right headspace.
So I will be doing this and then slowly make my way back to the pages.
Here is a little sneak peak of the Pinterest board:
Here is a sneak peak of the first 2 songs in the playlist (I like to organize the playlist with the course of the book, so the first 2 songs correspond to the opening chapters):
If you are also holding back on doing something you are truly passionate about… don’t!
Let’s take this on together and do what we love for us!